He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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