Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
