Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
