It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
