Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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