Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
