yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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