im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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