Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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