Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
