My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
