ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How's work?
Spinning.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
