well you can't waste a boner
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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