At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
