I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
