I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
