I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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