remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
