I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
