Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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