What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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