I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
