How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
