I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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