i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
