Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize