What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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