Don't make out with my wife yet
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
