So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
