You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
