I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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