I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
