We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
