just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
