Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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