Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
