it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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