We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
