I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
