dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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