He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dicks are not precious.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
