I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
