Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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