So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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