Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
