I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Liz is crying about burritos again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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