he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
