I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
did i just pee glitter
I love you. Go after that dick
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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