Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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