I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
