I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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