it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
