im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize