If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
