I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
