I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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