Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
