I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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