Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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