I want to walk on stilts...naked
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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