she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize