It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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