I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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