Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
