There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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