Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
