They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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