no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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