I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
