I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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