You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
