Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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