So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
