I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
