There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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