My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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