Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
